Creative Bungle

Hey Hey Hey

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:52:05 GMT

What is it good for?

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 03:19:58 GMT

Busy. Busy. Excited. Busy. Busy.

I need to clean my room and my head.

Pace

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 20:16:54 GMT

Jaded, I needed a chance of scenery.

The Facts

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:07:37 GMT

The Internship: I will not be at a newspaper this summer. In a plot twist, last week when interviewing a source, he leaned across the desk and offered me an internship at a PolicyThinkTank.

"Just write for us. We'll pay whatever it takes."

How could I say no? No to a summer with TheUsualSuspects, money, the chance to write about education policy in-depth, have an office/share a secretary/stay the summer for once.

I said wait. I said I was afraid of technical articles that no one could understand. And he said unturn rocks. And I said yes. And I'm afraid - there's that always - that I will find myself without insights, leads, and production, but that always works itself out.

The Boy(s): Don't feel like rehashing. But I might as well leave these crumbs. TattooedEngineer is great. But I know, and you know, he's not someone I'll end up with when it's all said and done. And I'm not looking for ThatPerson, but I honestly don't have time right now for anyone else but.

There was a lunch that made this apparent. I'm young and impulsive, but I know birthday candle smoke when I see it so I'll lock up the rest of that for now.

The Body: We dance up the rock wall now. As the weather gets warmer, bike rides beckon. And, hush don't tell anyone you might ruin it, but I think I'll try that Marathon in the fall.

The Insides: I've got nothing to prove anymore.

Here

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 00:24:27 GMT

It's quiet here. Within hours of arrival, I was outfitted in flannel and a wool sweater and put into bed.

It's a refuge here.

It's a quiet spot in snow and literature where I can hide for three days before going back and committing crimes

an abrupt end

catapulting myself for the sake of myself, going up up and away

being selfish

It's just me and me here and a holding period and quiet and refuge.

And it's not fair back there. It's not fair, it's not easy, it's not lethargic, it's kind and sweet and supportive until the line is quickly cut short � the nice one won't finish first; the nicer might not either; in the end, it may very well just be me at the finish line and that just might make me the happiest.

And my hair is growing longer and I'm "breezy," smiles and waterfalls and we all know what that means.

Under eye circles and paleness.

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 21:56:12 GMT

I am so full between 5:30 a.m. and 1 a.m. every day that I've forgotten

what race it was I was running

and all I can remember

is to keep it sweet keep it light keep it cool keep it kind keep it positive

keep it together just keep it together just keep it together

Sometimes I think that I might run off with a fantasy and then I get smacked over the head on the couch

late at night with TheUsualSuspects and how perfect things are

as they are.

So there.

Sometimes

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 19:28:45 GMT

...I am towering and comfortable in myself.

And others, my fingernails are uneven and worn down, my shins bruised, my hair unruly, and my pants are worn and baggy.

Same old, same old. Same old story, same old post about that changing in a matter of seconds.

If this is anything, it is the Semester When Compassion Finally Returned.

It is the Beginning Adult semester.

Because those 180 degree moments are immediately followed by

get over yourself

And then I do. And for the first time, no counting, no distractions, I'm content to just lie around on the couch and talk about whatever falls out.

"You have very beautiful hair," he said. And of all the words used to describe it, beautiful never made the cut. Exotic, wild, unusual, sexy, sometimes. Even the middle-aged women, who all love it, could only muster a "do you dye your hair?" followed then by some sort of awe, surprise, and with a few drops of horror, possibly.

oh get over yourself

I thought. Because it was messy and tangled. And if I have found anything anywhere, it is that the unconventional will always get you remembered, sometimes admired, but most people still prefer the stick-straight posturing when it is all said and done with.

And of course, there's me. With my creaky floors and pants that won't stay up and hair that won't stay down, a little too muscular and a little too tall to be hide-under-the-bonnet girly, and a mouth that won't shut up when it's comfortable.

And I don't plan on changing my life, though my shins are perpetually bruised and I'll never have fingernails.

And he's okay with that, I think.

And I'm okay with that, finally.

And I think I'll choose my summer based on family, not impressiveness. Pennsylvania, not Alaska.

And this all makes me feel incredibly old.

Hangin' With Mr. Cooper

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 22:28:10 GMT

Basically, I'm ridiculously happy.

The new theater a block away from my apartment and opened yesterday and I went to see the crazy Bob Dylan movie it was beautiful. And I got three hours of sleep. And morning came.

...

Also, there are now three newspapers vying for my summer attention.

Hehehehehe.

...

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 14:27:50 GMT

(Deleted)

Kindling

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 12:45:26 GMT

I'm in a 5 hour sleep schedule.

Went to bed at 11:30 last night, woke a little after 5 and couldn't sleep.

I said I didn't have time for ASomeone, and I didn't. Hence the lack of sleep. But, I seem to be doing okay, as long as I eat well and get in exercise.

-------

I find myself laughing quietly through my sleep on many nights. Laughter at how good this life is and how crazy it is that I found myself way out here, that my face seems to be settling on a shape, and that once again I'm growing my hair out again.

Yesterday was a 2-hours-each-way road trip to St. Louis to see a man speak who has written many, many, many of those educational economic policy papers I read. He spoke for about an hour and a half. Knowing that, I got into the car. But somehow it struck me on the BeautifulCatholicCampus that this was silly and who was I fooling.

Who am I fooling?

"Who am I fooling," i asked BoyWonder, half an hour before the lecture began.

"Something something character building, initiative, interest... what's wrong with being interested?" he said.

And I was interested. And it was interesting. And, starving afterwards (I've been conditioned to journalistically refuse free food), I embarked on a search for a Panera.

And instead stumbled on a beautiful-one-of-a-kind delicious pastry/food shop where the bread is made there, the pillows spell out a sentence about the importance of dining companions, and the soup of the day was a squash-bean chili.

The law student in his argyle made a study move for me in my "professional" pearls and button-down, the and cook had a grill that would put nelly's to shame and I munched the best cornbread I had ever had while thinking...

...how silly and picturesque this life is and what do i have to ever question this if i am smiling all the time...

...caught myself smiling and smiling at TattooedEngineer's apartment, because everything is kind and wonderful and somehow I ended up there � kind and wonderful � without thinking of it or how to get there...

...and all through this yellowness, and as a result of it, i impishly light fires underneath my competitors and watch them scurry, walk with my head high, because all the kindling i need is quality, thought and considerate compassion and at the end of the night, it's just me happy underneath the covers...

...and if this is all what i'm looking for then i know how to keep it here flickering with me.